The Magical Facial Hair Crescendo of the San Francisco Giants

Posted: June 27, 2011 by mceagle611 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

One would not begin to describe the San Francisco Giants as the MLB’s most enthralling team to watch, seeing that they do not score a lot of runs and always seem to take part in low-scoring games. However, their pitching staff has been getting a lot of publicity lately possibly because of their consistency of decreasing ERA counts. One could make a case that it is how they perform well under pressure in the thick of a close ball game. A third reason, perhaps, is that they are the reigning world champions, but if you are a true MLB fan you know the real answer to why they receive so much media coverage and attention…Facial Hair. You read correctly, facial hair.

No Giant’s game-day highlights can be shown without someone commenting on the steady progression of facial hair as San Francisco calls in more and more relief as the game weathers on. Today on the Eastside we are going to take a look at the Giant’s Facial Hair Crescendo – Tim Lincecum, Jeremy Affeldt, and Brian Wilson – after their domination of the MLB’s most difficult to predict, the Cleveland Indians.

Courtesy of

3 – Tim Lincecum – Starter – The Giant’s best pitcher, ranking among the league’s best starts our countdown of facial madness at number 3 because Lincecum, although a valuable asset to a Giants team – that is now atop the NL West – that is rapidly improving, does not have anything on his face but maybe a little peach fuzz. The 27-year-old has been referred to as “The Freak”, “The Franchise”, “The Freaky-Franchise”, and “Big-Time Timmy Jim” – a self-generated nickname on the sportscenter ad below – for his freakish control over his flaming hot fastball and breaking ball. Lincecum was featured in a Sportscenter commercial not too long ago that will give you quite a chuckle, as you get a taste for his humor.

2 – Jeremy Affeldt – Relief – Our countdown to facial greatness continues with Affeldt who rocks simply the best chin strap I have ever seen a major athlete go with in years. Affeldt, now a major contributor to the high reputation of Giant’s pitching, has been remarkable in his last ten games as he as lowered his ERA from 4.70 to 3.51 – earning a 0.79 ERA in the last ten games. He is giving the Giants roughly 1.1 innings a game – usually after Lincecum or any of the Giants starters gives them a solid 7 – and has really been good with the ‘cards’ he has been dealt because he is producing. Affeldt clearly has a serious case of chin hair, and really understands the meaning of the baseball term “chin music”.

1 – Brian Wilson – Closer – It has been a question that has been asked for a year now, and it may as well go down as one of the great secrets in the history of American sporting, What truly goes on in Wilson’s Beard? After each game he closes, Wilson proceeds to get extremely excited as he throws his arms up into the air forming an X. The man, the routine after each save, and the beard were all nationally excepted during last year’s world series and are constantly brought up during this year’s regular season. Wilson has, also, been starred in a recent Sportscenter commercial, as he explains to anchors Jay Harris and Josh Elliot why you should truly ‘fear the beard’.

The Elite Staff looks to enjoy more of their late game W’s, and maintain their high rank amongst other pitching staff in the league at Wrigley Field against the Chicago Cubs tomorrow night (6/28).

  1. victorfrankenstein says:

    What, no Sergio Romo?
    This…this is an OUTRAGE!

    See how outraged he is? That’s on YOU, Sir.

    • mceagle611 says:

      Yes, I’ve been told I should have included Sergio a couple times now. I was intent on doing three pitchers, though, if you must know why I did not include him.

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